It's always darkest before the coworkers

Jesus fucking christ. The one benefit of coming in to the office on a Saturday is having no one else here. But there's one other person, who sits like 10 miles away from me, and she had to turn on every single fucking light in the place (after I had turned one bank of them off). It is so fucking bright in here, it's like that horrible movie about that spaceship that went to the sun, or whatever the fuck it was about. I just remember people being surrounded by light and turning to a crisp, and that is what it feels like, even though it is also freezing cold in here. The 100,000 fluorescent lights are assaulting me from every direction. I feel like a fucking prisoner of war being tortured for information, or like I am about to have major surgery while also trying to do my fucking work. JESUS CHRIST people, get a desk lamp. I now have a fantasy of connecting my computer up under my desk and working there. Maybe a little George Costanza-ish of me. But I'd be working, not napping. God, the office is so much more relaxing with just a few of those humongous lights off.

I'd also like to mention that the light-turner-on is one of those people who is so obese she needs a handicapped spot. At least I am not there yet. Why doesn't she die of a fucking heart attack or something? Jesus. Do us all a favor and save some electricity and Doritos. She waddled over - not, not accurate, she has this walk that seems like she has had her hips replaced or needs them replaced, a weird, slow side-to-side motion. Anyway, she managed to walk all the way over here without the aid of a scooter or whatever to explain that she had turned the lights back on. Really? No shit? I hadn't noticed. Oh, goddamnit, she's a perfectly nice fucking person and I am a horrible, horrible human for suggesting that her death would be doing us all a favor. The high-wattage lights must be fucking with my fucked-up brain. But good christ they are bright.